Question: As I grow as a solopreneur, I see myself growing beyond my personal relationships, including my husband. I then self-sabotage myself to avoid the “obvious”. How do we avoid this?
– Vidette Vanderweide, AV2 Concept, Dana Point, Calif.
Ali’s Answer: “Ah Vidette, well first of all, I admire your courage to address this issue. It’s part of success, and not always a pleasant part. Of the hundreds of women I’ve coached personally over the years, this issue comes up more often than not. You see, as you step into your power and growth, and into your highest good and purpose on the planet, your energy shifts. As you know, everything in the world is made up of energy, including us. And as your vibration raises, everything that is not in resonance with it will start going wonky. And that especially includes your relationships. I have much personal experience with this, as almost every time I’ve gone through a significant uplevel personally, it brought up issues with my partners.
There was a point I was dating this one great guy for months, and everything was going dandy until I went through a huge uplevel. And then, guess what? Things in HIS business started blowing up, new challenges emerged with his children from a previous marriage, and he was suddenly involved in a lawsuit. But you see, these were issues that were brewing under the surface all along. He just hadn’t chosen to deal with them.
And now, as my vibration was rising, his vibration was trying to match mine. So everything in his life that was NOT in alignment was bubbling to the surface to be handled. A bit too fast and painful for him, and us. In the end, he just wasn’t willing to do the personal work it required to uplevel himself and save our relationship, so things didn’t work out. I blessed him and went on my way. I could not be held back from the work I’m here to do and the purpose I’ve been blessed with from God.
I used to think this only happened to me, until I’d see it happening with nearly every woman I mentored through a large increase in her business. For us, business IS a journey of personal growth, of stepping into our true power, and even when we are making changes for the better, there will be some things that have to fall away. Now, listen… when it comes to relationships, I am in no way an expert! But you basically have three options:
1. Do nothing, accept the situation, and love your partner for who he is. If you have needs that are not being met, such as having someone to talk about deeper spiritual or business issues with, do it with a friend or colleague or in some type of group for that purpose. (Warning: If you find yourself holding back your success to make him comfortable, this is not the right option for you.)
2. Ask your partner if he wants to come along for the ride. Explain to him you’re on this exciting journey and you’d love to share much of what you’re learning with him. See if he’s open to doing coaching or workshops together, or if you need to work on critical issues, consider some couples’ therapy. (But if he’s not willing to do the work, be ready for option 3.)
3. Decide to move on. There is a way to still love and support each other and at the same time recognize that it’s in your highest good to continue your growth on separate paths. This is often the scariest decision, and it always feels incredibly selfish. But EVERY woman I’ve seen do this for herself after she’s been trapped in a relationship that held her back has dramatically blossomed afterwards. And what’s wonderful is often her previous partner finally finds his own path as well.
Gosh, I could write for days on this topic, but I hope this gives you some clarity. Would be interested in hearing about all of your experiences with this as well.”
Love and success,
Have a question for Ali?
Send her your question about business and success now via this form.
Site Design & Development
Alchemy + Aim