In 2002, I had been married two years to my first husband, whom I’ll just call “G”. While we each had our own reasonably successful business ventures (I was just really starting to ramp up my online business), we were still struggling financially, living in a rented one-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles, and carrying more than $30,000 in credit card debts. It was surely causing a lot of stress in our marriage.
A friend of ours invited us to attend a “money mindset” seminar that sounded perfect for our situation. Although the event was free, it was still a big decision to take three days off, drive down to San Diego, and pay for a hotel.
Once we arrived, our initial skepticism transformed into excitement and hope, as we listened to the information, did verbal and written exercises, shared, cried, sang, and broke boards with karate chops. (Yep, we drank the Kool-Aid.)
I remember driving home with G after that event, listening to him talking with a friend on his cell phone, and he sounded different—positive and confident, like the man I had originally married. It was so attractive! I felt different too. I was so excited for us to grow together, to have a bright future, to live together in this new positive mindset we’d found. I could barely sleep that evening.
The next morning, I got out our workshop materials, and we continued the work we agreed to do each morning. The first week was no problem. Then, the next Monday morning G made some excuse, and the next day, and the next day, and that was the end of that. I kept doing them alone.
The next time we took our weekly walk along the beach by the large and stunning multimillion dollar homes, I told him I wanted to start going to open houses… to set the intention we’d one day have a gorgeous home like these. He said, “Why should we bother? We’ll never have a house like this. We’re in tons of debt.”
I went by myself. (And, later, I actually bought one of those houses… but that’s another story.)
In the months that followed, my business began to grow, and more money started coming in. I excitedly shared these results with G (“See? It’s working. Isn’t this exciting?”) and gently encouraged him to get back on track. Finally I realized he didn’t even want to hear about my success. He finally got angry and said, “Listen, I did the seminar, I get it… I don’t need to do that stuff every day or think that way, OK….”
I didn’t make a big deal out of it, and I let him be.
But as I grew, both personally and financially, and began investing in my growth via trainings, workshops, and coaching, G became more stuck and frustrated. I tried everything… helping him with business ideas, getting us counseling, hiring him a coach, and more.
And then one day, I realized his negativity had become absolutely toxic, and I just couldn’t carry him anymore. I was heartbroken but knew I had to move on. (He didn’t argue with me.)
What was the difference here? Was it really my attending seminars and getting the coaching and doing the personal work that made me successful, and not G?
Well, no. Because you also see a lot of folks going to seminar after seminar and not getting results.
Really the core difference was that I was learning to live in faith. It was truly my new OS (operating system), and still is today.
While unpacking boxes with Brett at our new home in Scottsdale, I came across a great book a friend introduced me to years ago. It’s by Robert Russell, and it’s called God Works Through Faith.
(And if you’re not comfortable with that G word, whatever. Just insert your own here, like Source, Spirit, Universe, Higher Power… just stay with me here.)
He writes, “Faith is the belief that you have the power to do all things. It is a magnetic power that attracts the answer to your prayer. Results do not come by chance, accident, or fate. They are molded by your faith in your power through God.”
Faith is belief in what you cannot see and cannot understand. It’s belief in a power greater than you. And when you align with it, stay in faith, let it flow through you, and follow its messages, miracles happen.
This doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments of worry, fear, or doubt. But the key is simply catching yourself when you go to that place. Take a deep breath and gently redirect your thoughts to what you want to happen, how you want to be, and how you see your life and business evolving.
One of my favorite teachers on worry is Joyce Meyer. She says worry is negative prayer—it’s essentially praying for what you do NOT want.
Worry is a huge problem for most of us, and especially for women. I come from a long line of worriers, and this is something I have to continually monitor and manage. If I don’t, it will just eat me alive.
I seem most vulnerable to this right when I wake up in the morning. My to-do list comes crashing down on my head as soon as I open my eyes. An endless list of things for the business, the house, the kids, my mom. If I don’t immediately take control of my thoughts in a positive way, my brain will instantly start spiraling downhill. (And now that I have children, this has also seemed to double, by the way.)
To shift it, I take a deep breath and move into gratitude… I think about all the wonderful things in my life right now such as my twin babies and their dad, our beautiful new home in the desert, having a business and clients I love, and the exciting opportunities I know are in front of me. That seems to get me in the right direction, and all the little things in the way seem to lose their power over me.
There’s a lot more to it, but that’s what gets me started in the right direction. Because I found faith to be such a powerful part of what drives me and my success, I’m hosting a call next Thursday, May 8 called “Revelation! 3 Keys to Honoring Your Highest Calling” and it’s free! You can find out more and register free here.
Question: How do YOU stay out of fear and in faith? Please share your BEST way below! I’d love hear about it in the comment section below. ~Ali
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© 2014 Ali International, LLC
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