After several weeks of meeting deadlines and totally being in my “masculine” work mode, I decided to try something totally new and totally feminine – a spiritual dance workshop. My friend Baeth Davis invited me and after some debate I finally said, what the heck count me in. It would be a nice change to be at an event where I could show up and not discuss my work or my latest launch! I needed to do what I call “turn myself back into a girl again.” I was craving just to BE.
The 3-day workshop was hosted by Vinn Marti of Soul Motion (www.soulmotion.com), and it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Dozens of people showed up simply to dance. Not to learn choreography, or how to dance, but to learn how to allow THEIR dance. Vinn explained we each have our own. So many of us have turned it off as we are in our heads too much. All the thinking, the doing, the to-do lists, the step-by-step order. We don’t allow our soul to simply move.
The event was held in a large meeting hall with no mirrors. I wore yoga pants, a tank top, ponytail, no makeup. I put on my little modern dance “peds” and tried to blend in.
Except I couldn’t. I was waiting for instructions but they were minimal at best. It was all about feeling the music and just letting go.
Everyone seemed to know how to “flow” and I felt choppy, like I was getting flashbacks to choreography from my 7th grade dance recitals (minus the “Flashdance” leg warmers now). I was looking for the steps. Listening for the “5-6-7-8…” But I wasn’t getting any.
And most of all, I was thinking too much. I think a lot. Every day. It’s how I’ve grown my business from nothing to many millions of dollars a year. But now I realized my thinking would not serve me here. It was in fact hindering the process.
Example:
Day 1 Self talk:
I’m not doing this right…
I’m not dressed right for this…
OK that chick is weird!
There are obviously drugs I missed out on
Craving a carnitas tostada…
This whole place is wacked…
Oh I love this song!
I forgot to write back my literary agent.
People know this is my first time…I look ridiculous
My feet are blistering
Did my drycleaning get picked up today? I wanted to wear that skirt this week
Strange little Indian man in my space! Back off dude!
I think I’ll twirl…
Breathe…
Hey this feels good.
I think I’ll leap…
Smile…
I wonder if I should do this more often
OK stop thinking so much…
Just… let…go…
Just be!
By Day 2 I was so excited to go back that we arrived early. I could not wait to check my ego at the door. My head was clear. My heart was pure. I was an open channel for “my dance”. I was twirling, leaping, and doing graceful extending of my limbs feeling like a feminine goddess, alternating with energetic jumping and at one point doing soldier-like kicks and punches as I worked through some anger. The music ranged from jazz to Motown to Indian songs to Madonna electronica. I stopped all my self-awareness, there was no more self-talk, and instead I was just being. Just flowing. And it felt amazing. I blended right in with the dozens of women and men of all races, ages, shapes, and sizes, who were there to feel alive and beautiful. To dance their dance.
We received more instruction that day, such as to keep our heads up and level – not look at the floor or up at the sky. A combination of being grounded and being able to connect with our other fellow souls via eye contact, but also open to the angels above.
The only part I got nervous was when I was paired with a tall amazing woman dancer who had huge, earthy hips and a sway that could gently rock the world to sleep. She wore long skirts and did a sort of slow, graceful belly dance, and I felt really grounded while I was around her. She did her dance so well that I started for a minute to compare my own. Then i remembered to stop — that was HER dance. I had to do my own. Unbeknownst to me, she was one of the dance leaders that day so we got pulled out in front of the entire room of 75 people for a demonstration. We had to dance with no music. And do our own dances, but kind of together. Be separate beings with separate souls, but engage in an energy together. And hear and honor our own music. Quite a good analogy for our relationships. I hugged her later and told her “you have been my inspiration since I walked in the door.”
When you truly let yourself go and allow your dance to come, Vinn describes it as being “swept away consciously into a spiral network of shape and sound, as the dancer disappears and the dance is revealed…. Suddenly you feel of the unity of all beings.”
I felt so much move through me over the course of the three days… from my father passing two years ago to my broken engagement this spring to subconscious fears of stepping out even larger in my life to complete uncontainable joy for the world and being a soul alive on this planet at this time. A few times — like many others in the room — i would whoop with delight or let out a giant sigh of release or a few moments of tears. This was my dance.
I ended the weekend feeling strong and unstoppable. I walked out graceful, tall, and proud.
Grounded and calm.
Connected to the earth, open to the heavens.
This is my dance.
(If you have the chance, I highly recommend you check out a Soul Motion workshop in your area. www.soulmotion.com)